MY PURPOSE 5/22/10

       I wrote this one month before my son died
  The years I worked in the hospital pharmacy and IV room I hated and yet it trained me to care for my son. Learning to do anything is not fun, training is tiresome and repetitive, but very necessary. God puts His workers in the places they need to be to carry out the task that he has ahead of each of them and this is what he did with me. Some people go through their entire life never knowing what their purpose is, what they were created to do. Although this is the hardest thing I have ever done, my path through these tragic years has allowed me to discover my purpose of being, the reason I exist, my creation. Many things in my life have I questioned but now as I look back I can see the answer to each question before me. Every tragic thing, every piece of my past has made me who I am, each event effecting me in a different way and in different areas to form me into the one to travel this road with my son. I still ask why his journey through life is so hard, but I NEVER question the fact that I was made to be the one to walk it with him. His journey is getting closer to the end I know and my fears increase as we walk farther down the path of life. I despise the path that we are traveling on but NEVER the journey. He is my very best friend, my confidant, and my son. 
   Many people have big degrees and make lots of money, some have big titles of importance and are respected by all for these titles. These things have I not, rather only the title of MOM and of NANA. I cherish both titles with all of my heart. When I reach the end of my days, I will know one thing for certain, I will know what my purpose in life was and that I fulfilled that calling. I am the momma, in every sense of the word, to a boy (now man) who was chosen to walk a tough path. He touched so many lives and I was blessed to be allowed to walk it with him and to help him as he traveled. I, in no way, mean to take away from the importance of being a momma to my other children. They are just as precious to me as Christopher, however he needs my help to complete his journey and I think GOD has helped my other children to understand that fact. 
   I am a MOM........I am a NANA! Thank you God for choosing me for the journey with my son. I may fail you God in many things but I will NOT fail you in this area. I will walk with him no matter the cost, I will not leave him just as you never leave me. I will be there at his spoken word and actions just as you are here for me when I cry out to you. I will follow your example in how YOU love me and will love my children in the same way. A million ways and things I may fail you in but not the call of being MOM, I will NOT!