Appointed Day

    I have come to terms with something and even though it doesn't make it any easier I believe it with all of my heart. I know the bible speaks of us having an appointed time to be born and to die, I am fully confident that Chris and Jesus knew it was time even if mom hated it with everything in me. Chris had made peace with death way before it arrived, he was not scared, he did not dread it, the only thing my son did was worry about how MOM would make it without him. He made all things right with his maker up above and his body was so worn and tired yet he hung on much longer than he trully desired to for ME. This I know from words he spoke to me in his last days and words he had spoken to others close to him the last few weeks of his fight. What a sacrifice my child made out of LOVE for his MOTHER, the sacrifice of suffering uncomprehendable to most all for the sake of me.
    On this earth, we are given a certain amount of task for us to do and Chris had fullfilled his job fully. What more can one do after that? To stay would have only meant more undue suffering, for JESUS was calling him to his final home. This pains me to write and to admitt but I know it is true. The selfish ME wants him back, wants my life back that feels as if it is tumbling into nothingness but my spirit just LONGS to go to him, one day but not until my work is done. The trouble with this is that now everything is different and I no longer know what my work is. I have no sense of direction of where to take my life and all my efforts. Where do I put all that I poured into my son, where do I go to put all that is within me to work again? At the moment I have not the answers but with time....................................maybe I will have a day with no tears.